Hello, readers and welcome back to the Sunday Listicle here on Trauma Response. October is finally here and that means Halloween is already in the air. Get ready for a barrage of people saying “spoopy” and pretending to be witches while they lecture you about the pagan origins of the holiday. What fun! I have always been a fan of Halloween, as most gay people are, and enjoy getting dressed up in costume and jumping out of dark alleyways to scare the local youth. Last year I went as Chucky from the famous Child’s Play series, it was easy to put together and I worked at a hair salon so I got my hair dyed orange for free. Chucky was a fun choice, but as I trolled the streets of Chicago I realized that Chucky perhaps wasn't the most original costume choice, as I saw several people (none of them looking as good as me) in the same costume. So, today I will give you a list of Halloween costumes that no one will probably be going in this year so that you can avoid the embarrassment of being seen in the same outfit as someone else.
Nosferatu
Let’s start more simply. A lot of people love vampires, Dracula, Edward Cullen, Morbius, but people seldom remember one of the most famous vampires, Count Orlok from the 1922 German silent film Nosferatu – Eine Symphonie des Grauens. Count Orlok, more commonly known as “Nosferatu,” is a decrepit-looking thing, with a bald head, pointy ears, and little fangs where his two front teeth should be. Needless to say, he is not the sexy option when choosing a vampire costume. What Nosferatu lacks in raw sex appeal, he more than makes up for with a rare mixture of cultural clout and niche, people will know who Nosferatu is, but they would never think of him for a Halloween costume. Director of movies such as The Northman and The Lighthouse Robert Eggers is planning on making a Nosferatu movie later this year, so get ahead of the incoming Nosferatu trend by going this year, before anyone else gets privy to that news. All you’ll need is a bald cap, some pointy elf ears, and some individual pointy fake teeth (the teeth must be individual so you can put them over your two front teeth, that’s what makes Nosferatu so special), finish the costume off with a long place trench coat and you’re golden!
James Madison and his Crystal Flute
This one is more of a cultural reference. Not many people know that former president, and Founding Father, James Madison owned a glass flute, but many were made aware of that fact when Lizzo was granted permission by the Library of Congress to play it during a concert. I wrote about that here! No one would think of going as James Madison, much less with the crystal flute, and it just adds to the fun that this costume comes with a built-in anecdote. I have no idea what clothing screams “James Madison,” but I think it’s safe to say that any costume shop should have a costume labeled “President,” or even just “George Washington,” ad I think that’s close enough. Take a stroll down to your nearest music store, or maybe even Target, and pick up one of those chintzy plastic recorders that we all used in elementary school; voila, you have your crystal flute. You will have a blast at Halloween parties while other guests try and guess who the hell you’re dressed as, and they’ll feel “Good as Hell” when you tell them the story of Lizzo and the crystal flute.
The Narrator from My Year of Rest and Relaxation
Now we’re getting super niche. My Year of Rest and Relaxation is a 2018 novel by Ottessa Moshfegh that follows a nameless girl, tired of the trials and tribulations of being an upper-middle-class post-graduate in New York City, who wishes to sleep for an entire year. With the help of a quack doctor who’s willing to prescribe her a shit ton of sleeping medication, the narrator successfully manages to have a year of rest and relaxation, and comes out of it feeling better than ever! This costume is remarkably simple: you can wear pretty much whatever clothes you want, the narrator has no one set outfit, but the most important part about this costume is a bottle of pills (doesn’t matter what kind). Fill the pill bottle with Tic Tacs, or actual pills if you’d prefer realism, and make sure to act as sleepy as possible wherever you go. No one, and I mean no one, will be going as the narrator from My Year of Rest and Relaxation, probably because they’re too cowardly to do it, so rest assured you will be the standout at the party.
Lisa Rinna
I don’t know if you’ve been watching the most recent season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but I sure have! Lisa Rinna is one of the most famous Housewives in the entire Housewives franchise, I even knew of her before I started watching. Little did I know that Lisa Rinna was also a terrible, vile, vindictive, and truly evil person. Lisa Rinna is a safe bet if you’re looking for an easy villain costume. Like the previous costume, you can pretty much wear whatever you want, but a pair of jeans and a duster cardigan would be an accurate depiction. What’s trickier is the hair and the lips, two of Lisa Rinna’s trademarks. I’m sure if you google “Lisa Rinna wig” plenty of options will show up, but if you have mid-length hair just spike it up and layer on that hairspray and it should look more than okay. There are two options for the lips: you can use makeup to dramatically overline your natural lips, or you can do the “Kylie Jenner lip challenge” and suction your lips into a shot glass long enough to puff them up. Layer on the lip gloss and go to the mirror to try and perfect Lisa Rinna’s signature shit-eating. Top this costume off by heading down to the costume store and picking up some devil horns and a pitchfork, and you’ve got yourself the perfect Lisa Rinna!
Nyarlathotep
The works of H.P. Lovecraft are hardly mined during the Halloween season, probably in part because he was a total racist, but also probably because most of his ideas are hard to execute. The most popular Lovecraftian costume is most likely Cthulhu, octopus-faced, winged god of the sea, but even then I doubt anyone is really going as Cthulhu. In the odd case that someone is going as Cthulhu, I’ve got you covered. Nyarlathotep, also known as the “Crawling Chaos,” is an Outer God in Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos, and the only god that walks the earth in human form. Nyarlathotep is a shape-shifting being, so you can wear whatever you want. The fun part about this costume is not even really the costume itself, but the fun you can have with the characterization. Nyarlathotep is a cruel god who delights in chaos and misery, so take a page out of his book and secretly prank the guests of whatever party you are at. Cut the lights and start scaring people, put M&M’s in the Skittles bowl, spike the punch with magic mushrooms, and do whatever your heart desires, you are the god of chaos and the world is your oyster.
Well, those are my costumes, everybody! Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed them, and hopefully, they inspire you to go as the costume-less-traveled this Halloween. By the time this has been posted, I will already be at a wedding in Ohio, so this week’s Tuesday article might just be a little late, but I will get it to you! Happy Sunday, everyone! XOXO